Just An Ordinary Interview
by Strikey-Chan
Summary: "Okay then... Have you ever sold anything before?" Allen thought for a moment. "Well... I've sold my body once or twice." - Allen goes for a job interview.


**Just An Ordinary Job Interview**

"Ri, this is so unfair!" Allen howled, pounding furiously on the door in front of him. "Come on, open the door! Stop being so angry!"

The door opened suddenly, sending Allen stumbling back. A little sister with a vein popped stood in the now open doorway, glaring viciously at her brother.

"Angry?" she spat. "Angry? I have every right to be angry! Yes, you are correct, I _should_ be with Henry together in our house right now, but I can't, because _you_ burnt it down!"

"… You're completely overreacting!"

"Do you not understand what I just said?" Yuri said, pissed. "You___ burnt __my place down!"_

"It's not my fault!" Allen complained. "That oven was seriously screwed! I mean seriously, whoever built that thing was an idiot!"

_"____Henry __built it!"_

"...At least give me some money so I can rent a room or something!" Allen pleaded.

"No!" Yuri snarled, causing her brother to jump back in alarm. "I am not giving you _anything_, until you pay me back for everything that you ___destroyed!"_

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" he demanded. "I don't have any money!"

"Then do what you should have done a long time ago___ – get a goddamn job!"_

With that the door slammed shut, leaving a startled Allen standing alone in the empty corridor.

...

In all honesty, Amu wasn't sure ___why _she had called the man over for an interview. His resume should have been warning enough; the large scrawl stating, ___'a fabulous being like me doesn't NEED qualifications!' _should have been warning enough that the man either had major problems or had been living in a hole his entire life.

In all honesty, she hadn't been planning on calling him, but his name had caught her attention. 'Allen Fray' - of course she had heard of his last name before. Yuri Fray was a respectable member of the local community and Amu had heard people mentioning her brother Allen once or twice - besides, she had heard about their house burning down. Calling him in for a job interview had been the least she could do.

She'd started to feel the first inklings of regret however, as soon as the arrogant-looking man had waltzed in through the door.

"Allen Fray?" she asked warily, studying the smug, overly-confident expression on the man's face.

He smirked slightly. "The one and only."

She frowned slightly and shook her head, gesturing to a chair positioned behind her. "Sit down please," she told him, walking over to the desk in front of the chair.

"Right then," she said. "Mr. Fray -"

"Oh, just call me Chick Magnet," Allen responded, throwing himself down on the chair and smirking proudly.

"… Huh?"

"That, or Allen," the Italian amended.

"Right then," she responded, slowly. "Allen it is." Silently, she wondered if there actually ___was _something wrong with him. "So then...how would you describe yourself?"

Allen grinned. Hard. ___"Well -"_

___Oh dear Lord... Amu_ thought, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat.

"I," Allen announced, "am a very, very, very, very, very, VERY fabulous person. I'm like fabulous-ness personified - you see, this -" He dragged a hand down in front of him. " - This is the most epic thing you will ever see in your entire life. Bask in my glory now, because you will never get the chance again - unless of course you give me this job. Which of course you will, since who can get enough of ___THIS?!"_

Amu gawked at him. "Mr. Fray..." she said, slowly.

"I thought we were sticking to Allen?" Allen asked, frowning slightly.

"I've changed my mind," Amu responded. "Now -" she narrowed her eyes. "Is this all a joke to you?"

Allen blinked. " Huh? Uh...no..."

Amu leaned back slightly, surprised by his sincerity - because truthfully, she had been under the impression that he had been making fun of her.

"Uh," she coughed, "Well...when I asked you to describe yourself I meant...hobbies, skills...reasons why you would want this job, you know?"

Allen frowned. "Being fabulous isn't enough?"

Amu sighed loudly. "No."

"Oh..." Allen's frown deepened. "Well... My hobbies are... Hmm... Oh! I know - I like shopping!"

"That's nice to hear," Amu responded, cringing inwardly. "But I meant something a bit more... Productive."

Allen thought for a moment. "… I like annoying Wannabe Banana and his hot girlfriend, if that counts."

"… What about some skills?"

"Skills?" Allen perked up. "Well is -"

" - Being 'fabulous' is not a skill," Amu said, cutting him off.

"People nowadays..." Allen muttered, slouching back in his chair. "I don't know." He shook his head.

Amu raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue.

"Right well... Oh, I know!" He beamed widely. "I can break into houses really well sometimes! Haha, Wannabe Rockstar never knows when I'm about to hit - one minute he's moaning on the bed with the Hot Chick on top of him, and the next moment ___'BAM!' _I'm right there -"

"Mr. Fray!" Amu snapped, cutting him off. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment.

Allen blinked. "What?"

"I don't think that's appropriate to talk about," she hissed, still blushing furiously.

"What?! What is ___wrong _with you?!" Allen snapped, as if she was in the wrong. "First you say being fabulous isn't a skill, and now you say ___this?! _What's happening to humanity?!"

Amu stared at him, wondering if it was too early to tell him to get the fuck of her office.

"… Fine then." Allen slouched back in his chair. "I'm really good at holding my alchohol - oh, and you should _see_ the way I magnetize chicks!"

Amu choked.___ "__What?"_

"Uh..." Allen coughed. "… You okay...?"

"I - wha – ___what _did you just say...?"

"… Magnetize chicks...?" Allen shot her an odd look.

Amu blushed violently and shook her head, avoiding his eyes. "You know, Mr. Fray," she choked. "I think that maybe we should end this interview here -"

"Wait, wait!" Allen protested. "Come on, I need this job or else Ri will slaughter me! No one will ever find the body - his words not mine!"

Amu gritted her teeth. "Fine then," she managed to spit out. "Why don't you tell me what your skills are, ___relating to this job?!"_

"Uh..." Allen frowned. "… What was this place again...?"

Amu stared at him. "A cafe."

"… A cafe?"

"Yes."

"… Where there are ovens?" Allen paled.

"Yes," Amu said, slowly, wondering where he was going with all this.

"Oh fuck."

Amu narrowed her eyes at him.

"...Can we come back to the question?" Allen asked, sounding nervous. Amu gritted her teeth, but decided to comply - there was no point in dragging this out.

"Alright, fine then," she replied. "What makes you a good candidate for this job?"

___The job that there is no way in a hundred YEARS you'll be getting..._

Allen raised an eyebrow. "I'm fabulous."

"Of course you are," Amu muttered under her breath. In a louder voice she responded, "Alright then Mr. Fray - do you have any experience in this field?"

"What - cooking?" Allen snickered. "Well, _duh! _The chicks don't call me Italian for nothing!"

"You won't actually have to cook," Gabi sighed. "Have you ever worked in a cafe before?"

Allen shrugged. "I've been to one, I guess."

"So no..." Amu closed her eyes for a moment. "Okay then... Have you ever sold anything before?"

Allen thought for a moment. "Well... I've sold my body once or twice."

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, Amu found herself staring.

"The first time was a dare!" Allen hurriedly moved to defend himself. "I couldn't show weakness, dammit! And the second time... Well, I just really needed some cash. At least they were hot."

"… Okay, you know what?" Amu stood up, abruptly. "This interview is over."

"Awesome!" Allen exclaimed, grinning widely. "So, I got the job then?"

"I didn't say that," Amu responded, narrowing her eyes sharply. "In fact, Mr. Fray, I'm sorry to say but in all honesty... The only way that you could ___possibly _still have a chance of getting this job is if the only other candidates after you were pedophiles, druggies, or _s____erial killers!"_

Maybe she was going a little far with that but... This guy was seriously annoying!

"...Seriously?"

...

Damn, that bitch was...Well, a _b____itch. _But he wasn't going to give up that easily – he ___was _the fabulous Allen after all.

Allen leaned over and knocked on the door, making sure to put enough force into it that some of the wood chipped away.

The door opened a moment later and he was greeted by the sight of that annoying interviewer-chick standing on the other side.

"Hello – oh _shit." _Her eyes widened as she realized who she was seeing.

"Right!" Allen said, beaming at her widely. "Here are the other candidates for the job!" He gestured to the three people standing behind him.

Interviewer-chick stared at him in horror. "I wasn't serious -"

" - The pedophile," Allen said, ignoring her comment. He grabbed the nearest person to him – Soseki - and yanked him in front of her.

"Huh? What?" The old brunette said in confusion.

" - The druggie that's always high, all the time -" Allen ignored him and shoved him out of the way, making a grab for his childhood friend - Rod.

"What? What? What?" The ginger asked, smiling. "Are we going on an adventure? With unicorns?"

" - ___And _the serial killer!" He didn't make a grab for the person this time, and simply settled with pointing in his direction. Neil glared.

Allen grinned at turned back to the doorway, fully expecting to have finally won.

"Right, so do I have the job?"

The door slammed in his face.


End file.
